September 1, 2006
MTV Video Music Awards 2006 Pictures
Despite Shakira's ever-gyrating hips, Justin Timberlake's Sexy Back and the obscured image of a naked midget, Thursday night's MTV Video Music Awards were devoid of spontaneity.
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"You didn't bring the thunder. You didn't bring anything," host Jack Black, looking at himself in his dressing room mirror, said during one skit, unintentionally summing up the evening.
James Blunt and Gnarls Barkley each took home two awards. Pink's parody of bubble-headed pop tarts, Stupid Girls, won for best pop video; Beyonce took home the best R&B video trophy for her booty-shaking Check On It; and Fall Out Boy won the viewer's choice award for Dance, Dance.
But nobody except a video choreographer's mother watches this show for the awards. Fans watch for the censor-flouting skits, nearly naked starlets, foul-mouthed speeches and those embarrassingly bad dance numbers.
They do not watch for lectures from former US vice-president Al Gore on global warming. When does the phrase "here's a photo of a glacier melting" ever fit into an awards show?
Somewhere along the way, the MTV awards seemed to have morphed into the Grammys.
Christina Aguilera, who previously shocked our senses as the dirty Xtina, looked downright classy as she performed a low-key ballad. And there were no wardrobe malfunctions whatsoever during Timberlake's perfunctory show kick-off.
Even Lil' Kim failed to get the party started. Recently released from prison after serving time for perjury, she stripped off an orange jail suit to reveal ... something that resembled a funky business suit. Hillary Clinton has worn more revealing outfits.
The only unscripted moment of mayhem came when some unidentified person crashed the acceptance speech of Panic! At the Disco, who won video of the year for I Write Sins Not Tragedies.
Before any group member got to say a word, the crasher took the microphone, saying "MTV never gave me my own show!" before handing the mic over to the winners.
But that still fell short of MTV's once trademark water-cooler moments, like Eminem punching out a puppet.
Beyonce got some points for at least trying to deliver a show-stopper. Singing her call to arms, the anti-cheating single Ring the Alarm, she appeared wearing a sexy trench coat which she discarded to reveal thigh-high boots.
But while her voice was in perfect form, the performance was disjointed, and the out-of-place dance number in the middle seemed to steal the choreography from Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation almost 20 years earlier.
At one point, the crew from the MTV grossout show Jackass gave one of its members an electric shock.
If only they could have delivered a similar jolt to the whole show.
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